We ask ourselves questions all day long — most of the time without realizing it. From small, functional ones like “Where’s my phone?” to bigger, deeper ones like “Why does this always happen to me?”, the questions we ask direct our attention, shape our mindset and influence the quality of our lives. The challenge is that not all questions help us move forward. Some keep us stuck.
Confidence in your abilities to go after your goals can sometimes be difficult to find or keep.
It can sometimes take time to discover the confidence you have inside you. This can be especially true if you are trying something new.
I have a program that can help you to discover what is holding you back from achieving your goals as well as help you set an attainable goal related to where you are in your life and where you are trying to be.
This program also works with you to build up your confidence in being able to reach your goal.
You can find out more about this program at Confidology, a funny name but a serious program.
You can contact me to talk about this or any other aspect of confidence and success at
Visit the site and read through the program description.
That’s the power of internal dialogue. Your brain listens to every question you ask and tries to answer it. So if your questions are self-defeating or negative, guess what kind of answers you’ll get?
The Problem with the Wrong Questions
Take a moment to think about the questions that run through your mind on a regular basis. Are they helpful? Are they empowering? Questions like “Why am I such a mess?” or “Why can’t I ever get this right?” aren’t just harmless thoughts. They reinforce failure, feed self-doubt and keep confidence low.
Your mind will always try to answer a question — even if it has to make something up. Ask a bad one, and it’ll dig for a bad answer.
Better Questions, Better Life
Now flip that. What happens if you start asking questions like:
- “What’s one thing I can do right now to make progress?”
- “What have I done well today?”
- “What’s within my control in this situation?”
These questions shift your focus. Instead of spiraling into frustration, you begin seeking solutions, recognizing wins and building momentum. Effective questions aren’t just language tools — they’re confidence tools.
Here’s how to make better questioning a daily habit:
1. Start Your Day with Intentional Questions
Before you even get out of bed, ask yourself questions that set the tone for your day. Prime your mind to look for good things, opportunities and purpose. Try questions like:
- “What am I excited about today?”
- “How can I make today meaningful?”
- “Who could I positively impact today?”
Make these questions personal. The goal is to focus your brain on action, optimism and value right from the start. A solid morning question ritual sets your mindset before the world has a chance to distract you.
2. Interrupt Negative Self-Talk Mid-Thought
Throughout the day, notice your internal dialogue. Pay attention when your thoughts turn negative or anxious. When you catch yourself asking things like “Why am I so lazy?” or “Why do I always mess this up?”, stop and reframe. Ask instead:
- “What would help me stay motivated right now?”
- “What can I do differently to get a better result?”
This shift is simple but powerful. You’re moving from blame to action, from criticism to creativity. Most people don’t realize how many times a day they’re sabotaging themselves with useless or punishing questions. That’s fixable.
3. Ask Better Questions in Conversations
It’s not just about how you talk to yourself — how you ask others questions matters too. Poorly phrased questions can make others defensive or shut down communication. For example, asking an employee “Why can’t you ever meet deadlines?” invites resistance. Instead, ask, “What can we do to help you meet deadlines more consistently?”
The right questions make people feel supported, not attacked. That builds connection and opens the door to solutions instead of conflict.
4. Use Questions to Redirect Your Mood
In tough moments, your emotional state can spiral quickly. One way to interrupt that is with well-placed questions. When you feel yourself sinking into stress, anger or hopelessness, try asking:
- “What’s another way to look at this?”
- “What’s something small I can do right now to feel more in control?”
- “What am I assuming that might not be true?”
These types of questions shift your focus from the problem to the possibilities. That’s where calm, confidence and clarity come from.
5. Align Your Questions With Your Goals
Whatever you’re working on — fitness, business, relationships — ask questions that support your progress. If you’re trying to get healthier, stop asking, “Why do I have no willpower?” and start asking, “What would be a satisfying and healthy lunch today?”
Questions can reinforce failure or build future success. Choose ones that match the direction you’re trying to move.
A few examples:
- Career: “What’s one step I could take today to expand my skills?”
- Relationships: “What can I do to connect more meaningfully with my partner?”
- Confidence: “What evidence do I have that I’ve handled things well in the past?”
6. Reflect on Your Day with Purpose
At the end of your day, wrap up with questions that help you grow. Instead of just reviewing what went wrong, ask:
- “What went well today?”
- “What did I learn about myself?”
- “What can I improve tomorrow?”
These questions help you close your day on a constructive note, building self-awareness and reinforcing progress.
Bonus: they also quiet the mind, which leads to better sleep.
Why This All Works
Questions shape focus. And focus directs your behaviour. If your questions fixate on failure, you’re reinforcing fear. If your questions aim toward solutions, you’re reinforcing courage. That difference matters more than most people realize.
Highly confident, successful people don’t ask the same questions average people do. They ask things like:
- “What’s the opportunity here?”
- “How can I grow from this?”
- “What does success look like today?”
These questions generate better answers, better habits and better outcomes.
Make Questioning Your Superpower
Most people wait for circumstances to change before they feel better. But with the right questions, you can change how you think, act and feel — starting now. You don’t need to solve everything today. Just ask the next useful question.
Your thoughts are shaped by the questions you ask. Make those questions sharper, more intentional and more empowering — and you’ll start creating a very different life.
To talk about any aspect of success or working with a Life Coach to help you to achieve success, you can book a 30-minute call by clicking on the blue button below.
Don’t try to do all of this by yourself, ask and receive the guidance that can get you moving towards your own success.
Working together can help you overcome personal and professional barriers, ensuring you reach your highest potential.
Nothing happens until action is taken.
To your success.
Michael
P.S Don’t forget to visit Confidology to learn more about the full program.
P.P.S. If you enjoy reading these articles on my blog, I have more books that have more of this type of information that you can find out more about at Books to Read. You can buy these ebooks at many on-line book stores. The links to the bookstores are at the link above.
P.P.P.S. I have a series of 4 articles on the “Fear of Success” that I have posted. You can also request a free PDF of all 4-articles by sending me an email message at coachmgw@outlook.com
Special Note
Book sale
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